


Break me to small parts

by risinggreatness



Series: Circle 'round the sun [23]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-03
Updated: 2014-10-03
Packaged: 2018-02-19 16:45:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,494
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2395547
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/risinggreatness/pseuds/risinggreatness
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Anakin and Padmé struggle with keeping their marriage a secret, while Obi-Wan yearns over lost love</p>
            </blockquote>





	Break me to small parts

The landing bay empties and Obi-Wan stares at the sky where the duchess’ transport departed, his arms hanging limply at his sides.

Anakin nudges his old master gently to let him know he’s leaving, but doesn’t speak. Some things are better left alone.

He’ll tease him some other time.

They’ll talk some other time.

Brothers, they call themselves, like the clone men they command – not by blood, but by shared experience and love for each other. Even after everything they’ve been through, Anakin realizes they don’t know everything about each other.

Still, he feels like this is something he should have known: Obi-Wan’s one and only love, it’s kind of a big deal.

Anakin flinches involuntarily. ( _Padmé._ ) He can’t expect Obi-Wan to divulge everything about his life to him, especially when Anakin doesn’t do the same for him.

They have their own secrets, their own histories. They don’t need to know everything about one another to fight alongside each other. They can keep some things to themselves.

It’s hard not to feel guilty for not telling Obi-Wan about his marriage. ( _Some other time._ )

He heads for the Temple to make his report, although his mind and body want nothing more than to be at home with Padmé. Watching Obi-Wan and the duchess unable to act on their feelings was exhausting and frustrating.

Never before have two people so desperately needed to be with each other and so desperately tried to keep themselves apart.

Anakin doesn’t understand it; just as he doesn’t understand the Order’s incessant need to keep people apart.

He needs Padmé, badly.

\----------

“You’re not all here tonight, Anakin.”

Lying together in bed, Padmé studies Anakin’s face. It’s twisted into a confused and curious sort of look, turning something over and over in his head.

“How can you tell?”

“Your face doesn’t hide much,” Padmé says.

Anakin eyes her skeptically. Padmé points a finger at his expression.

“You see! You’re doing it now!” she laughs.

His face scrunches, slightly annoyed; he turns away from her.

Padmé quiets her giggling, sighs, and reaches out for her husband, “Stop being stubborn and tell me what’s on your mind.”

No reaction.

“It can’t have been the mission. I know you don’t like acting as a bodyguard, but it’s no reason to get upset, especially when Obi-Wan requested your help specifically.”

“And isn’t that odd?”

“What do you mean, Anakin? You’re friends, why shouldn’t you ask for each other’s help every now and then?”

Anakin rolls onto his back and stares at the ceiling for a moment then his eyes move to the city skyline. Its lights like starlight, the planet’s artificial stars because it can’t see its own. They pale in comparison, but they still guide anyone who is lost.

“It was a mission Obi-Wan could have handled on his own – he’s been on bodyguard duty before. He didn’t need me there to protect the duchess. He needed me there to watch him.”

Padmé lets out another laugh. If either of them needs watching, it isn’t Obi-Wan.

“I’m serious, Padmé. Obi-Wan is in love with her.”

She goes quiet again. She is friends with both Obi-Wan and Satine; neither of them has ever mentioned a prior acquaintance or even a passing knowledge of each other.

“Are you sure?” she finally manages.

“He couldn’t deny it.”

Just as she couldn’t. Love is a hard thing to deny, even when hiding it. She can’t imagine how it must have felt for Obi-Wan to carry it with him all this time without confiding in anyone.

“He needed me there to make sure he didn’t do anything stupid.” There’s something unnatural in Anakin’s voice as he speaks, Padmé can’t place it. There is conflict in it, yes, but mostly she thinks it is shame.

“After we took our leave of the duchess, it didn’t take much prodding to get the full story.”

“And I’m sure you were your usual considerate self when he told you all this personal history,” Padmé says to tease Anakin, knowing full well he did the same to Obi-Wan.

His face screws up again. “This is the first time I’ve ever heard him admit regret. Not even after Master Qui-Gon died.”

He goes quiet for a long while, staring out the window.

“I can’t believe he trusts me enough to confide in me…”

Anakin doesn’t seem to be speaking to her anymore, just speaking thoughts out loud, but Padmé thinks she finally understands what’s troubling him.

“Do you want to tell Obi-Wan about us?”

Anakin breathes in deep, “No. What’s past is past between them, nothing will change that while duty calls. Us, _this_ is still happening. I love you and I don’t want to jeopardize being with you for one second.”

Tenderly he brushes some of the hair from in front of her face. Padmé waits for him to finish the gesture then settles into the space between his arm and his body.

It is warm and safe there; though tonight it is not reassuring.

Obi-Wan already knows the truth and the longer Anakin conceals it from Obi-Wan, the harder it will be on all of them. She hoped Anakin would see fit to tell his brother in his own time, but it seems as if that time will never come.

\----------

A few days pass after the Senate’s ruling and Satine returns to Mandalore. She leaves and he remains, both left unsatisfied.

Obi-Wan takes solace in Padmé’s hospitality. As the _Coronet_ disappears they retreat to her apartments; he can already guess the intended topic of conversation. A certain mutual friend is not very good at keeping secrets.

The apartment is empty when they arrive. Padmé goes into the kitchen and comes back with tea. They take seats opposite each other, not speaking.

He takes the offering, but doesn’t drink; he is in no mood for comforting. The tea is cold before Padmé finally breaks the silence.

“You love her.”

“Yes.”

Though he says less, his answer is more than he gave Anakin. ( _More than Anakin’s given him._ )

“And do you know how she feels?”

A shallow breath, “The same. She feels the same.”

Padmé nods. It’s clear she doesn’t know how to respond. It’s not like when he approached her. There is nothing to protect.

“But it’s done now. We chose our paths; it is unlikely they will cross again.”

“You can’t really believe that.”

“Is there something else I should believe? The Council will never permit it, Mandalore would react poorly too.” He’s not Anakin. He can’t break the code for something he’s unsure of. “There’s nothing more to do.”

Obi-Wan speaks with finality, but Padmé’s not ready to let the subject go. She insists he tell her everything: how he and Satine met, what happened, how it ended. He doesn’t understand how dredging up these memories will make any difference. Telling her their story does nothing to relieve his troubled heart. It breaks more.

Padmé leans back in her chair after Obi-Wan finishes. “When you Jedi fall, you fall hard,” joking as much about her own relationship as she is about his.

It astounds Obi-Wan just how much Padmé is like Anakin, and just how different they are. Anakin’s tactics are to pester him until he breaks, then say something surprisingly profound. Padmé listens first, all kindness and consideration, and then strikes with a teasing remark. The pair of them give him whiplash.

He chuckles lightly, “Yes, we do.”

Understanding passes through the air between them, unspoken. Padmé understands why Obi-Wan cannot believe anything will ever change for him and Satine. Obi-Wan understands Padmé’s frustration with Anakin’s stubborn need for secrecy, even from their closest friend.

“Obi-Wan, what are you still doing here? I thought you would be off chasing the Duchess’s ship. Weren’t you planning that as a big romantic gesture?” Anakin enters the apartment unannounced.

Padmé laughs, “Don’t you know Obi-Wan better than that, Anakin? He would prefer to write a letter explaining himself and his intentions, rather than throw himself off a cliff for a woman.”

Obi-Wan barely stops himself from rolling his eyes. He wonders how nobody else sees what is so obvious to him.

The pair exchange a glance between each other. Something flashes across Anakin’s face and for a fleeting moment Obi-Wan hopes; hopes Anakin will finally stop hiding and tell him outright he and Padmé are married.

But the guilt in Anakin’s eyes fades as quickly as it appeared. He returns to teasing Obi-Wan about Satine. Disappointed, Obi-Wan braces himself to the inevitable barrage of torture.

Strangely, it helps to have things return to their natural order: Anakin’s mocking and Padmé’s confidence.

There is a field between them, a field strewn with mines. They tread lightly over the land so as not to trigger an explosion. One blast is likely to cause another. They cross the field time and time again. Dangerous as it is, clearing the field will be worse.

And so their secrets remain.

**Author's Note:**

> See author bio for discussion on this 'verse.


End file.
